This one's for you

Is it possible for one to be this intellectual; kind; caring; gentle?

I do find it a little odd and a little too good to be true. But the answer to the above question is, yes. 

It's possible. 

How can one be so comfortable with a person whom they have just known? In the beginning, things were a little awkward but as time went by, it was nice. It was perfect. And it's been a while since I have felt this way, again. 

He has the kindest of heart, and although we may have different views on things, we always settle for what is best. For all these while I have known him, I believe I see myself differently. Not to impress him or anything like that, but I see things not like the usual way, I would. 

Besides all the good stuff, he tends to be straightforward even though it may sting a little, you may soon realize, that there's a logic behind his words.  He has certain quirks that I don't even know if he realizes he has, but it's absolutely adorable. I understand that there's nothing manly about being adorable, however shut up. There is, and it's cute.

You know what. I am letting out a sigh of relief because although I may not know what the future holds for us, I will always cherish what we have, at the moment.

What do you expect from me?

Nothing.

That's not a reasonable answer.

I want nothing but you. I don't like to expect things, I prefer to live in the moment and see where things leads to.

I will be honest with you, in the beginning when things started moving in a fast pace, I wasn't prepared for anything. I was a little scared. This is different. Way different than what I have encountered in my previous relationships. Broken promises, lost words. It was even hard for me to say out those three major words out loud, thinking what if I don't live up to those words.

Do you know how nice it is to actually have an actual trust on someone and knowing they aren't going to break it? And believe me when I say this, doesn't matter if it's just a girl and boy relationship, friends, parents or even a student-teacher kind of relationship - it's nice to look at that person and think that you can actually trust this person with all your heart. 

I don't want a romance like in the films, or like the books I read myself to sleep at night. I want a love where I can trust someone. I want a love where although we don't talk to each other for hours or days - we can always count on knowing that we both miss each other, deeply. I want a love where we can always go out and make some memories or even just stay in bed on a lazy day, and still enjoy each other's company. 

He gives me that.

If I thought I knew what happiness was before this - I was absolutely wrong about it. 

I don't know if you get how this two becomes one thing works. But it's like now you have two people, and so what troubles you, troubles me. 

Yes, I don't know if we have forever to be with each other but like I said, I don't expect and I live in the moment. And at this moment, I am eternally blessed with his presence.

Oddly, he graced my way, unexpectedly and I am just glad I dealt with his crappy ass in the beginning, or who'd knew where we'd be today. Anyways, it's been a while since I've ever written about someone I find very dear to my heart, and trust me when I say this, I love you more than you think.  

I am sorry I don't show much affection as you do. As much as I believe that I am a hopeless romantic, I am sure that we both know that is so not true. I'm trying, however I want to thank you for bringing me to my countless cafes that I enjoy going even when it isn't your thing - thank you for being lazy with me on the days I don't planned on getting out of bed, and thank you for all the other things you have done for me. Even when I don't follow GoT, you still made me watch it with you, and I actually do remember some of their names, and the story line. Can't believe I watched the whole season 7 without watching the previous ones. Someone smack me. And don't get me started with the music.

Even after all that, I am just glad that I get to do all of it, with you. I don't know about you, and I don't really care what others think, this one is for you. I think you deserve an appreciation post for actually tolerating my crappy mood swings, and still loving me the same. Too more adventures, and memories to be made with you, my love.

-grace

The Last Straw.

‘I’m not wishing you greater torment than I have, Heathcliff. I only wish us never to be parted: and should a word of mine distress you hereafter, think I feel the same distress underground, and for my own sake, forgive me! Come here and kneel down again! You never harmed me in your life. Nay, if you nurse anger, that will be worse to remember than my harsh words! Won’t you come here again? Do!’

Heathcliff went to the back of her chair, and leant over, but not so far as to let her see his face, which was livid with emotion. She bent round to look at him; he would not permit it: turning abruptly, he walked to the fireplace, where he stood, silent, with his back towards us. Mrs. Linton’s glance followed him suspiciously: every movement woke a new sentiment in her. After a pause and a prolonged gaze, she resumed; addressing me in accents of indignant disappointment—

‘Oh, you see, Nelly, he would not relent a moment to keep me out of the grave. That is how I’m loved! Well, never mind. That is not my Heathcliff. I shall love mine yet; and take him with me: he’s in my soul. And,’ added she musingly, ‘the thing that irks me most is this shattered prison, after all. I’m tired of being enclosed here. I’m wearying to escape into that glorious world, and to be always there: not seeing it dimly through tears, and yearning for it through the walls of an aching heart: but really with it, and in it. Nelly, you think you are better and more fortunate than I; in full health and strength: you are sorry for me—very soon that will be altered. I shall be sorry for you. I shall be incomparably beyond and above you all. I wonder he won’t be near me!’ She went on to herself. ‘I thought he wished it. Heathcliff, dear! you should not be sullen now. Do come to me, Heathcliff.’

In her eagerness she rose and supported herself on the arm of the chair. At that earnest appeal he turned to her, looking absolutely desperate. His eyes, wide and wet, at last flashed fiercely on her; his breast heaved convulsively. An instant they held asunder, and then how they met I hardly saw, but Catherine made a spring, and he caught her, and they were locked in an embrace from which I thought my mistress would never be released alive: in fact, to my eyes, she seemed directly insensible. He flung himself into the nearest seat, and on my approaching hurriedly to ascertain if she had fainted, he gnashed at me, and foamed like a mad dog, and gathered her to him with greedy jealousy. I did not feel as if I were in the company of a creature of my own species: it appeared that he would not understand, though I spoke to him; so I stood off, and held my tongue, in great perplexity.

A movement of Catherine’s relieved me a little presently: she put up her hand to clasp his neck, and bring her cheek to his as he held her; while he, in return, covering her with frantic caresses, said wildly—

‘You teach me now how cruel you’ve been—cruel and false. Why did you despise me? Why did you betray your own heart, Cathy? I have not one word of comfort. You deserve this. You have killed yourself. Yes, you may kiss me, and cry; and wring out my kisses and tears: they’ll blight you—they’ll damn you. You loved me—then what right had you to leave me? What right—answer me—for the poor fancy you felt for Linton? Because misery and degradation, and death, and nothing that God or Satan could inflict would have parted us, you, of your own will, did it. I have not broken your heart—you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine. So much the worse for me that I am strong. Do I want to live? What kind of living will it be when you—oh, God! would you like to live with your soul in the grave?’

‘Let me alone. Let me alone,’ sobbed Catherine. ‘If I’ve done wrong, I’m dying for it. It is enough! You left me too: but I won’t upbraid you! I forgive you. Forgive me!’

- Wuthering Heights, Chapter 15

I'm Happy

Happy.

That's the only word I can actually use to express the feelings I feel. 

Okay fine - blessed and happy.

Is it possible for one to be this happy without wondering about all the what ifs and buts, later on the day? 

Cause, hands down. If I thought I knew what was happiness all about before this, I was damn hell wrong.

So many things happened for me, this year. Good things. Bad things. Some I regret, and some I don't. Some I wished to have changed. Some that are yet to be changed. 

I've believe that people walks into your life for a purpose. A said purpose, to be well made done for, and leave. That's where the frustration begins. Many have walked out of my life without a reason. And at that same very moment, unexpected people have come around to be by my side. 

Appropriately saying this without any hidden agenda, I'm just glad those who chose to walk away - did what they did. Because if it weren't for them, I wouldn't have learned anything and would've been stuck in that same cycle, for goodness how long more.

Not being shady, but being honest.

It is true - you'll never see me being nice to you ever, if one tries to trigger the other side of me. I sometimes hold grudges. Heck, I've hold one for years that I struggle to find happiness. But because of that certain someone, I'm here today. Content with the one man, I truly adore and love.

And don't let me begin with my friends. The ample amount of friends that I've made this year, literally fills in the hole of all good friends I thought that would've stayed. They showed me true friendship, and made me believe the saying you don't need to know the person a lifetime to know they're worth it - you just know. So yes. I just know.

And someone wise once told me as well, not everybody is your friend. And that is true as well. Beware.

So, the point of this post is for me to say how happy I am with how my life is going at the moment. Still expecting some news, though and that's going to be a little flumsy for me. However, I will be okay. 

What I have learned is, bad news brings you right up immediately. Well, nothing is perfect. Except for one. You.

Thank you for making me believe that I can be happy again.

-grace

Soul Mates

I don't know how it is you are so familiar to me - or why it feels like I am getting to know you more as though I am remembering who you are. How every smile, every whisper brings me closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before - in another time, a different place - some other existence.

~ Lang Leav